I Like Soap and I Like Water

I guess a big question must be addressed today. Just how many times did everyone see Gigli this weekend? If I just sat in the theater and watched it nonstop, does that count as just one long viewing or 28 separate viewings? Whatever it is, I am certainly they glad they cost Ben Affleck in the soon to be legendary role of Larry Gigli, rather than their first choice of Danny De Vito. Sure, the sex scenes would be way hotter with the De Vit, but I don't see him turning "Hey, where's my applesauce?" into the signature Larry Gigli line the way Affleck certainly did. Whatever happens, I can't wait for the sequel, Gigli 2: The Bunsen Burner Incident.

Well, due to my absence last week, I didn't get to write about the death of Bob Hope. Yes, it was a little news story that slipped through the cracks of most news organizations, so I knew that I owed it to you guys to scoop the big boys and publicize it a bit. For a man to be taken in the prime of his life like that is a shock. If Bob Hope could go like that, then truly any of us could. Okay, getting past all of that, I would like to say that I liked Bob Hope a lot. I was a big fan of his when I was younger, with my favorite movie being Son of Paleface. It seems like there's no such thing as good, silly comedy in movies anymore; it's either smug insults or it's someone tricking someone else into eating poop. Bob Hope was the master of good, silly comedy. In return for saying this, I can only hope that he will decide to haunt the houses of my enemies or lead me to buried treasure. Whatever the case may be, I certainly appreciated the work he did.

While eating my morning feast today, I came across something exciting on my television device: badminton. This was no amateur stuff, it was China versus Korea on the Tennis Channel. First, I am glad someone had to the guts to televise the shuttlecock in all its glory. Second, I had no idea there was a Tennis Channel. Third, that sport is a lot of fun to watch and I am thinking of organizing a Fantasy Asian Badminton League. Here's the deal: everyone chips in $5 and in return, you get to pick two badminton guys. Whichever set of guys is chosen by me to have the best uniforms and court demeanor win. Now, this is a season long thing, so don't think that you picking Zhang Ning is going to lead you to triumph just because he's having one good hair day. Our league goes for the next year, during which time I will be making trips to Asia to visit the players' homes and see who is faking it.

When I finally decide who the winner is, he/she will win an all expenses paid visit to the Cici's Pizza near my house with yours truly. I realize the temptation is to flood me with mail tonight, saying who you want to pick. Friends, slow down; I'll be accepting submissions all week. Take tonight to ruminate a bit. Ask your friends, family, and coworkers for input. Ask the Lord for a sign. When you're confident with your decision, then go ahead and send it to me. I will only accept US tender and Putt Putt tokens for the $5.

Posted by Cody at August 3, 2003 10:48 PM