The Centennial Interview with Ben Schumin

Here it is, people: entry 100. And for entry 100, it seemed only fitting to get some quality time in with the man behind the gold standard for personal websites, Ben F. Schumin. For the past few months, I have been staking out the James Madison University campus in the hopes of getting Schumin to answer some of my questions about the joys and pressures of BFS. After several threatening anonymous phone calls, he relented. I present to you then the Goulash Centennial Interview with Ben Flavio Schumin. (Note: this whole thing makes a lot more sense if you check out the Schumin Web first)

Cody Powell: Your website seems to have a polarizing effect on people. It's almost like a hot-button political issue, like gay marriage or drilling in the Alaskan preserve, in the way that people are pro and anti Schumin. Why do you think that is? Do you do it on purpose?

Ben Francis Schumin: You know what they say... the simplest explanation is usually the right one, and believe it or not, the polarizing effect you mention was unintentional, and also a surprise to me. But like so many things, my site seems to have turned into one of those "you either love it or you hate it" situations.

CP: Has you ever been recognized away from campus for your site? What was that like?

BFS: Actually, yes! I encountered a person near the Pentagon City Metro station just outside Washington DC (about three hours by car and Metro from where I live) who recognized me from the Web site. We talked, it turns out he enjoyed the Web site and thought it was so neat to actually meet me by chance. And it really was by chance, too. For those familiar with the Pentagon City station, usually when I go to the mall at Pentagon City, I use the direct entrance into the mall from the station. But in this case, I took the escalator to the street adjacent to the mall because I needed a little sunshine. And I encountered the guy while he was jogging. Interesting experience, and I ran into him again on a different trip about a year later. Neat person, indeed.

CP: Related question: if you were to see a girl wearing a Schumin Web shirt one day out on the town, would you immediately propose marriage?

BFS: No, though I probably would compliment her on her excellent choice of apparel.

(Editor's note by Cody: I suspect Ben's lying here.)

CP: When all the dot-com bubble was taking place, did you ever consider doing a Schumin Web IPO? I think I speak for us all when I say that would've been momentous.

BFS: Actually, Schumin Web was a very different Web site back then than it is now. Back then, I was just experimenting with sections, and there was no Online Store whatsoever, no College Life, and no Photography. Plus I didn't have my own domain back then. So an IPO was totally out of the question.

CP: The F in Ben F. Schumin, it stands for Francesco, right? Franz? Fabian?

BFS: No, no, and no. My middle name is somewhere on the Web site, but you'll have to find it yourself. Here's a hint: It's in the Odds and Ends section.

CP: I think you've been on fire with the Life and Times section, what with the stories about the new job and the college party. It's been really entertaining so far. Are you going to be doing more of this blog type stuff?

BFS: I've enjoyed it and intend to keep it up, and I've found a format that I like. I started it up because I wanted a little informal place to put those little thoughts that I have during the day that I want to put into the Web site but would otherwise lose if I waited to get back to the computer. Usually I do these things on the fly, while I'm out and about, at an Internet kiosk or a computer lab or something. Currently, one of the things on my to-do list is to organize the journal archives into something better than what's there right now.

CP: Fill in the blanks:
If Schumin Web were a person, it'd be _____.

BFS: Definitely myself. It reminds me about what Robin Williams said as Mrs. Doubtfire in the movie of the same name, when he said, "He broke the mold when he made me." And since I love that I'm such an individual, I hope He also broke the mold again AFTER making me.

CP: If Schumin Web were a food, it'd be ______.

BFS: Probably vegetable soup. And here's why. My site is comprised of so many different distinct bits of stuff like the vegetables, bringing together a scooter race, an anti-war march, fire alarms, and so much else. And then the whole Schumin Web brand kind of brings it all together, much like the broth in the soup.

CP: If Schumin Web were a fire alarm, it'd be______.

BFS: Definitely the Wheelock 7002T, which is the alarm depicted on the front of my fire alarm shirts.

CP: What would a lady have to do in order to lure Ben Fabian

BFS: *interrupts* Not even close.

CP: Schumin into her life? Also, what if you met a wonderful woman who was madly in love with, but she declared she couldn't be with you as long as you had Schumin Web going. What would you do?

BFS: Love me, love my Web site. It comes as a package deal. As I've had the Web site so long (almost eight years), that I can't imagine what I would do without it. In fact, on days when my Web site is offline due to technical problems outside my control, you can tell that I'm not pleased. One time last summer when my hosting provider disabled some functions on the server which affected my site, knocking out the quote, the Web Cam archives, the full-size photos, navigation, and a few other things, people could definitely tell something wasn't right in my life, as I seemed a bit preoccupied since my site was technically running, but a lot of features were out of service. I compare it to when a parent has a child sick, in that the parent is kind of worried until that child is well again. Same with the Web site. I was worried about the Web site until it was well again.

CP: What's your favorite episode of the Cosby show? Is there a character on there you identify with? I could see you replacing Cockroach as Theo's friend.

BFS: My favorite episode both now and then was the episode from the second season, when the Huxtables pretended that Theo was in the real world, and Cliff played the landlord Harley Weewax, Clair was Millie (who ran the chuckwagon) and Amanda (who ran Amanda's Furniture City), and Rudy was Mrs.Griswold. I think it's a good lesson in what the real world costs, and also is just amusing as heck.

CP: Back when the band Kiss was really bad, they called their fan club the Kiss Army. What do you think of a Schumin Army? I humbly volunteer to come up with all of the rhymes we'd say while marching around.

BFS: That just doesn't sound like something I'd do.

(Editor's note by Cody: Even though Schumin's opinion on this leaves me inconsolable, I maintain that it is the best idea ever.)

CP: I think the reason I like your site so much is because it's so intensely Ben Schumin; there's no doubt who that site belongs to. Is all of the stuff there a conscious effort, or does it just kind of happen?

BFS: It really just happens. My site has always been my little playplace on the Internet. I do what I want on here, and kind of go with the flow of things as I do them.

CP: Final question. If you had to trade your hair for a superpower, what would you pick?

BFS: It reminds me of what Plato said about his ideal city. Ideally, the philosophers would rule, but the philosophers wouldn't want to rule. Same here - I wouldn't want to rule.

I think speak for us all when I say, "Ben Fitzwilliam Schumin, you have no idea say in the matter; you already rule." Many thanks to Mr. Schumin for answering my questions. Also, thanks are in order to the people who've read goulash and made the past 100 posts a truly entertaining experience for me. Furthermore, I'll send some props out to the dudes who made the internet; posting stuff is much cooler than stapling my stuff to the walls of the bus station. Also, let's not forget about the role that electricity plays in all of this, as it is crucial to the whole deal. Finally, thanks to the throngs of 8 year old Sri Lankans who actually write this stuff every day. I'm serious this time: I'm going to look into paying you guys.

Posted by Cody at November 17, 2003 05:30 PM