Well, I see that 2 people got to this site yesterday by searching google for "choose your own adventure britney spears sex". In the hopes that they are back again today, here is my rendition of a Choose Your Own Adventure Britney Spears Sex story.
1. You walk into your grandmother's sewing room. There's Britney Spears. You can either fix her a turkey sandwich (go to 2) or grab a thimble and try to poke her eyes out with it (go to 3).
2. Britney follows you into the kitchen. As you peer into the cabinet to find the sandwich makings, you ask Britney, "Do you want white or wheat bread on that?" She slinks up behind you, gives your butt a squeeze, and declares, "Ohhh, I love that white bread." You can either continue looking for the bread (go to 4) or sling some inneundo back at her (go to 5).
3. You pick up your grandmother's Garfield thimble and lunge at Britney with it. Little did you know, she hasn't been doing those Pilates for nothing. You tussle on the floor WWF style for several hours. You can either proceed to poke her eye out with the thimble (go to 10), or see where this wrestling match will lead (go to 11).
4. You locate the white bread and begin to make the sandwich. As you are spreading the mayonnaise, Britney eyes you like a wild tiger. "On second thought," she says, "I'd like a manwich. Bring it on over, big boy." You can either ask her exactly what a manwich is (go to 6) or go with the whole manwich thing and see what happens (go to 7).
5. "You look the white bread, eh? Well I'll take a big old slice of hoochie mama pie," you say. She pounces on you and begins the wildest make-out session this side of a Shannon Tweed movie. You can either quench your desire and do the wild thing wiht Britney Spears there on your grandmother's breakfast nook (go to 8), or you can take the noble path and refrain from lewd activities since you grandmother is watching her stories in the next room (go to 9).
6. "I'm afraid I have no idea what a manwich is," you say. "It's a figure of speech, you weinerbiscuit," she says. "I"m going to go do it with Mario Lopez instead." Way to go.
7. "Here comes a manwich with an extra helping of horsey sauce!" you declare. You and Britney proceed to do the unmentionable act right there in kitchen, although you are a little uncomfortable because she keeps making reference to the manwich thing. What sort of meat does it have, what are my choices of dressing, etc. It cannot end soon enough.
8. Britney proceeds to give you the clap. What do you expect from a woman you refer to as Hoochie Mama Pie?
9. You step back from Britney and say, "No, we must not! While nothing would delight me more than to weave a tapestry of sexual magic with you right now, I think we should wait until we're married. What do you say?" She looks deep in your eyes and says, "You are the gayest man ever," and then she walks out the door.
10. You shout out, "Look, a baby elephant!" Britney stops pummeling you in order to take a look. "Ha ha," you yell, then you poke her eye out with the thimble. She starts to cry, and you decide to console her a bit. You are horrified at what you've done, yet also a little bit aroused. Your hands start to wander and you accidentally touch her boob. She promptly proceeds to sue you for fifty billion dollars.
11. After a full day and night of wrestling, you finally manage to smash Britney in the head with a phone book, forcing her to give up. While you are strutting the sewing room, Britney says that since you've won, she will grant you 3 wishes. In using up your first wish, you get all kinds of syphilis. That's okay, as you can get rid of that with the second wish. For your third wish, you decide to have lunch that day with Hall and Oates. It is the best day ever.Posted by Cody at January 8, 2004 05:30 PM