Schumin Express

No entry last night, as apparently my internet service comes directly from the Weinerbiscuit Corp. Yeah, I'm on to you, Comcast.

But that's okay, because today's entry will be so full of splendor, you'll be walking around for weeks with little ziploc baggies full of magic. I feel I can truthfully say that because I came up with perhaps the greatest idea in the history of ideadom, but it's going to take some explaining to get there. Unless you've been hiding in a cave somewhere, you know that Ben Schumin, owner of the Schumin Web and star of the Goulash Centennial entry, works in a Wal-Mart in Virginia. Not only this, but there's been a little drama lately as he's been transferred to a new Wal-Mart in Waynesboro (read all about it in the past few entries here). To me, this makes perfect sense; if I were opening up a new Wal-Mart, I'd most def want Schumin manning the front lines, making all of the girls giggle. This new Wal-Mart opens on January 21. The first great idea I had today was, "Wouldn't it be great if everyone who read Goulash made a spontaneous pilgrimmage out to Waynesboro, VA on January 21 for this grand opening?" Schumin would probably poop his pants right there. However, I don't think this is going to work because of the tight time frame. That is, unless some wealthy corporation sponsors all of this. I'm looking at you, Goldman Sachs.

So, that's a good idea but the logistics didn't really work out. Just because I ruled it out didn't mean I stopped obsessing over the idea. The entire day, I was tormented by it. So, later on in the afternoon, when one of my friends mentioned going overseas for a while, I got to thinking. It went something along the lines of, "Man, it must be scary to leave the country by yourself. I will have to mail her something nice when she gets there. I wish I could mail her something Schumin-esque. Actually, I wish I could just mail Schumin. I wish I could rent him by the hour and mail him places as a gift." So, that is my round-about way of revealing the best idea ever: sending Schumin through the mail to cheer people up.

Just think about it. You're in a new city, not feeling too good, and you see you have a big package waiting for you at the post office. It's too heavy for you to move, so you open it up right on teh spot. Inside, you find Schumin with a big bow on his head, eating a hamburger or something. Let me be the first one to say it: I am a genius.

Speaking of genius, the new season of Home Movies started last night on the Cartoon Network, and I heartily encourage you to starting watching it. There's only one cartoon character who has the pleasure of being my buddy icon (Coach McGuirk), and now's the time you find out why.

Posted by Cody at January 12, 2004 05:14 PM