Giant Snails

After going on and on about kitties the past few days like some deranged old woman, I have decided to spare you all today and bloviate about something a little cooler: my love for ponies. Okay, my love for ponies is a little too intense for me to write about it. Also, it appears inevitable that the Mavericks will be eliminated from the play-offs, so I can't talk about them (of course, I don't really believe this, I just want to put it out there as my way of un-jinxing them.
And in case this parenthetical note re-jinxes them, I will un-jinx them again by saying that Antoine Walker is a pre-op transsexual). Ruling all of these subjects out, I guess I will just have to talk about giant snails.

For those of you who spent the first part of the week being held captive in a dank cave in Turkmenistan, there has been a giant snail crisis in Wisconsin. I feel confident the blame for this rests solely on the shoulders of Jack Voight, the state treasurer for Wisconsin. When I went up to Milwaukee last November and chained myself to the front door of a Cici's Pizza, I had a point: the giant snails are coming and Jack Voight can't do a damn thing about it. I now consider myself vindicated. Perhaps the next time the people of Wisconsin go to elect a treasurer, they'll pick one who won't taser me when I jump out of his closet, screaming about giant snails. It's called progressive thinking, elected officials; I suggest you get on board now before part 2 of the snail invasion.

But anyway, getting back to the specifics of the story, I read one very interesting point. Apparently, a Miami boy smuggled three snails into the country and left them in his granny's garden. Seven years later, there were 18,000 snails in the garden. In light of this information, I suggest we change the saying from "breeding like rabbits" to "breeding like giant African land snails". Go forth and spread this information; you all have my blessing.