I like to enter elections. In college, I crushed all of my foes in a race for student government senator by plastering the campus with catchy slogans like "If I could raise those sea monkeys, I can run this university" and "Our school deserves the best, but won't it settle for me?" When it came to the debates, the other candidates didn't stand a chance. At one of these events, I began a speech with, "My mother has told me I am both the smartest and best-looking individual on this campus. For that alone, I deserve 100% of the vote." Then I sat down. The audience high-fived, while the other candidates wondered what in the hell I was doing. After a few confused moments, the next guy got up to speak, but before he could make it to the microphone, I ran back up to the podium and continued my speech. Needless to say, when the underground student paper came out the next day, I was the only candidate they enthusiastically endorsed.
My point here is that no one stands a chance when it comes to running against me; I am simply too delightful. I figured I would share all of this with the world now so I didn't have to administer any bad medicine next weekend at the Austin Trinity Alumni Board elections. Last night, in an inspired moment of delirium, my friend Darby and I nominated each other for these board spots. While the responsibilities are unclear, the outcome isn't: an electoral spankin' for anyone who opposes us. If anyone reading this happens to be a Trinity alumnus in the Austin area, come out and rock the vote, or else your name is on the list. I will soon be a powerful enemy; step lightly.
It looks like it may rain on Saturday. I can only hope this will drive away the Pun-Off competitors, allowing me to win without even entering. Also, the Lakers suck, and I sincerely hope that the Spurs send them to bed tonight without a fudgesicle. Or, if they're going to let them have a fudgesicle, stick it down the Lakers' collective pants. Have a good weekend.
Posted by Cody at May 13, 2004 06:10 PM