Woah buddy, leave it to the Fourth of July festivities to prove that I should never, ever do anything remotely physical. I tried to get out there and live the active life for one afternoon, only for all of my muscles to rise up in rebellion and yell, "Go to hell, weinerbiscuit!" I just need to be pushed around in a stroller from now on. I've had 23 years of upright locomotion, but I think we can all admit that the magic is gone. This matter is settled.
Okay, something else before I have to go to work. First, grab a hold of your undies, everyone; we're almost halfway to the Tricentennial. I'm curious to see if this time, we can move past destroying the things in my apartment to destroying the apartment itself. Everyone's having a good time one minute, then someone steals a bulldozer and suddenly I have no place to live. If there's a way to go down, that is it. But anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I have already identified the subject for the Tricentennial interview. It should come to no surprise to any of you this person is none other than a certain 400 pound hunk of burnin' love, Big Elvis himself. Obviously, he is a busy man; he can't just sit around doing interviews every day for websites that no one reads. This is why I will sweeten the pot by offering him the one thing that no one on earth can resist: Mystery Pie. I love it when a plan comes together.
Posted by Cody at July 6, 2004 09:09 AMYou were walking upright at age 0?
Posted by: Brendan at July 6, 2004 09:44 AMNot only was I walking at age 0, but I was kickboxing. This is why you have much to fear if I ever come to Kentucky.
Posted by: Cody at July 6, 2004 06:13 PM