Well, the Olympics are starting soon. Perhaps they've already started, I have no idea. I hate to drop such a bombshell on the eve of the events, but I will not be competing this year. It definitely crossed my mind, but I just couldn't decide on an event. 200 Meter Hurdles? Judo? Women's Synchronized Swimming? Give me a month to practice and I could at least get a bronze in all of those. Sure, I could've entered every single event just to see what I could pick up, but that's a lot of running/jumping/wrestlng/javelin throwing, and I'd probably end up spraining something. Nothing would frighten me more than to have an injured ankle poked and prodded by a swarthy Greek doctor, breath heavy with cous cous and lamb's meat.
Since competition is out of the question, I have decided to endorse an athlete as the Official Olympian of Goulash. What comes along with being named the OOG? I haven't decided yet, but I'm leaning towards a day pass to Schlitterbahn, along with full posting priviledges to the site during the Games. Also, let's not forget the OOG will receive wheelbarrows of honor and adoration from the herbal viagra merchants and confused Eastern Europeans who make up this site's core audience. All the OOG has to do in exchange is to bring home the gold and in the process, let everyone know which site is numero uno when it comes to daily distribution of delight.
Selecting the the OOG was not easy; many outstanding athletes were deserving of this honor. In order to make it easier for the judges (me and Octopussy), I decided to restrict the competition to only those Olympians with the last name of Powell, in the hopes that a shared last name will make it more likely the medal accidentally gets delivered to my house. That narrowed it down to Asafa Powell (sprinting), Jeff Powell (rowing), Katrina Powell (hockey), Nicole Powell (basketball), and Suzy Powell (discus). I'm sure all of those people are fine athletes, but one stands above the pack. When you combine a great first name with a really cool nationality, the decision pretty much makes itself. Thus, today, on the 12th day of August in the year of lord 2004, I proudly declare Asafa Powell the Official Olympian of Goulash.
Godspeed, Asafa. Even if you don't win the gold, you've won the Goulash.
I think Asafa may have some Goulash in his pants.
Posted by: at August 13, 2004 07:06 PM