September 01, 2004

Class Is In Session

Major props to Paul for pointing me to this article, detailing the events behind Hungary destroying 60 tons of tainted paprika. Holy crap, that's a lot of paprika. If you were to measure the amount of paprika I've consumed in my life, it's not even close to half of 60 tons. Aside from the insane amount of paprika involved, this story is a whizbanger because paprika is an essential ingredient in goulash, the nation's national dish. In light of all of this, prepare for the great goulash famine of 04, people of Hungary. I feel qualified to speak with authority on that, since I used to be the world's #1 expert with regards to goulash, according to google. That's no longer the case, and I beg all of you to never bring this up in person, lest I begin to weep uncontrollably.

I don't know who here is on the Trinity Alumni email newsletter (random guess: me and Darby), but the next edition will feature the world's greatest sentence. Along with the aforementioned Darby, I am in charge of the Happy Hour occasions for the Austin Alumni chapter. Last night, we had to write the invitation for the first of these events. After several hours of drafts and rewrites, we came up with something I'd like to have engraved on my sarcophagus: "The Austin Chapter of the Trinity University Alumni Association invites you to join us for some microbrews and macro-schmooze!" I thought it'd be impossible to top the first line ("Class is in for Trinity Brewniversity!"), but like a hopped-up Polish track star, the bar was raised, we soared over it, and then we threw our underwear into the crowd in celebration.

On our tubing trip last week, I spent a large amount of time getting thrown from my tube and clinging on to random debris for my life. As I flailed all over the place during these stints, the sharp rocks at the bottom of the river had their way with me. As a result, for the past few days, my posterior has looked like it received the spanking of a lifetime. I'm going to guess here someone would have to steal a whole factory of candy bars to get a butt that bruised. Not only was it painful, but it was very tense there for a while. I thought to myself, "If I can't put my caboose out there, how am I going to put food on the table? My cat don't eat sympathy!" Luckily, my supersonic booty has healed itself, enough to the point that I can now walk around pantsless and draw only screams of delight. People of Austin, please continue to pinch my butt with reckless abandon.

Posted by Cody at September 1, 2004 05:54 PM

But without precious, filling goulash the Hungarians will surely be....

Naw, that one's too easy, even for me.

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