You know what stirs my cocoa, people of Goulash?
"Tater tots," you yell in unison. "You think tater tots possess a lower potato/cost ratio than french fries."
Yes, I stand behind that. They're blockier! There are bound to be spatial inefficiences when putting them in a container! But really, you know what else?
"The guy who lives across the hall from you."
No kidding. I don't want to be on the softball team. Stop knocking on my door!
But there one more thing that sticks in my craw, something that I've kept to myself for the past few years. Every time I think about it, I just want to puke in digust. The sickening monstrosity of which I speak is none other than Centre College in Danville, KY. Every year, my beloved alma mater, Trinity Universidad, is scheduled to play Centre (more like Pooptre) in football. Every year, the entire campus erupts in dismay. The newspaper is filled with screeds along the lines of, "But those hillbillies could give scabies to our students! We've seen Deliverance, we know how those people work." Only after millions of dollars of litigation does the game then proceed, at which point the Trinity football team stomps a few mudholes in the asses of Kentucky's finest, then promptly takes an extended shower to wash the filth off.
Usually on the week of the Trinity/Centre football game, I put on a brave face and act like nothing is happening. Just another football game, I tell myself, let's not blow this out of proportion. No such restraint is shown by the Centre crowd. With wanton abandon, those yokels sully and besmirch (besmully?) the reputation of my alma mater, just like everything else within spitting distance of Kentucky. As example numero uno of this, I invite you to peruse the misguided ramblings of one Brendan Adkins, Centre alumnus and renowned Internet douchebag. Mr. Adkins, you may insult my undergraduate institution; you may even insult my person. However, once you insult the sweet ladies of Trinity University, you have gone too far. That, sir, is beyond the pale, and I have no choice but to respond in kind.
Trinity and Centre play this weekend in Danville, and I will not rest until every last person on the Internet has chosen a side. It's more than Trinity vs. Centre, or Goulash vs. Not Falling Down: it's Innocence vs Evilado. The rest of the week will be Rivalry Week here at Goulash; you're either with us or against us. If Brendan or any other Centre folks show their faces in Austin this week, I'll punch them in the butt so hard, they'll poop out of their ears.
PS: Elliott Smith's posthumous CD came out today and it's great great great. I uploaded the eeriest/best song here.
PPS: If anyone has any good juju, send it tomorrow to my dad, who'll be going through some unpleasant medical stuff.
PPPS: Don't think any of this PS garbage lessens my anger at all about this Centre garbage. If anything, it enrages the beast even more. Rarr!Posted by Cody at October 19, 2004 06:30 PM