Delayed, But Not Denied

So, last night was not the chilipalooza that I built it up to be. I was ready for it; I had on my chef's hat and my flame retardant jumpsuit. I stationed my cat at the fire hydrant in front of my apartment with a wrench. But then, just as I was ready to light up the crockpot and usher in an incendiary new era of chili, I had a thought. My thought was, "Hey, don't I have some confusing homework I should be attempting? Like fragumlating an gigaopterometer in 27 dimensions or something?" I checked my Hello Kitty day planner and indeed I did. Goodbye chili, hello cursing at my Hello Kitty day planner.

By the time I was finished, it was midnight and I didn't feel ready to scour the supermarket for the cheapest, most rotten tomatoes in the joint. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. Much like a professional bomb defuser, I can only work my magic under great pressure. A week before a cooking contest, I feel nothing. If you were to pop quiz me on my recipes and baking strategies then, not only would you not be impressed, but you'd think I was borderline retarded. With time to spare, I am lazy and lethargic, like Garfield the cat. But once the clock is ticking, I literally transform into a whirling dervish of the culinary variety. If it weren't for my monogrammed spatula, you wouldn't even know it's me.

I look forward to this transformation taking place around 10 PM tonight. It won't be pretty. I except that when I come out of it, I'll find ground beef splattered all over the floor and my underwear hanging from the chandelier. But amongst all of the mayhem, what will be sitting in the crockpot? A little slice of fried gold with a name tag that reads, "Chili Chili Bang Bang." The competition is tomorrow, friends, and I only have room in my trophy case for a first place ribbon. Wish me luck.

Posted by Cody at April 14, 2005 07:29 PM