Inaugural Address

New locale, new website. Get used to it or get served a knuckle sandwich.

I've moved to Austin in my quest for that which the rappers call the bling bling. So far, all I've found is the anti-bling bling, as I've been spending money out of every orifice. I didn't realize this until I moved out on my own that I have absolutely nothing. I'd be just fine with sitting on the floor all day, eating pudding with my hands, but I figure if I'm going to get serious about this rampant promiscuity thing, I'll need a chair for the ladies to sit on and whatnot before the what-have-you occurs.

My 2 days here have been rough with no TV and no Internet. I think my neighbors above me are starting to get tired of me scaling the tree so I can peek in and see what Al Roker is dressed like on this particular morning. I get a real sense of what the pioneers went through when their cable didn't work, and all they could do was sit around drinking coke and playing MP3s. It is absurdly boring so far, but all of that changes tomorrow morning when, HOLLA, the cable comes to give me 300 channels, fast internet, and maybe if I play my cards right, a denver omelette.

I had a distinctly Austin moment this morning, my first of what will be many. I was bebopping around the Barnes and Noble, looking for some tasteful lebsian photography, when I see an older lady on a Segway browsing through the science fiction. I can't even classify how cool that was. Additionally, in the Austin Chronicle, I saw this personal ad:
"You: Kate, the afternoon cowgirl at Kenny's in Round Rock. Me: Whimsical gamer who would like to see YOUR dragon's lair."
I think I can safely say that between his use of phrases like whimsical gamer and his oh-so-subtle reference to her dragon's lair, Kate has been snared by this classy gent. Is that wedding bells that I hear? I can only hope that dragon's lair refers to her genitals.

I really like my apartment so far, and I predict I will like my job as well. I am expecting to contract SARS to counteract this positivity in my life. From now on, I will be on my tiptoes around all Asians, even more so than normal.

Posted by Cody at June 19, 2003 3:16 PM