Scurvy Dog

Bad news, chums: it looks like my plans to go to Lebowski Fest are in danger of being squashed. I was going to document the whole thing and put it up here, and make it into a whole multimedia pornographic travelogue type thing, time permitting. So, since that is looking like it's on the outs, I have decided that if I can't go, I am just going to stay in my apartment, act like I'm at Lebowski Fest, and document it anyway. Either way, the insanity starts July 18. I will let you guys know what happens here, and no matter what happens, you'll probably want to clear you calendar. Just barricade yourself in your room with some Saltines and a bucket to pee in, and get ready for the ride of your life.

When does that Johnny Depp pirate movie come out? They say it's based on that Disney ride, Pirates of the Caribbean. If so, I look forward to waiting in line for an hour and then getting 5 minutes of watching mechnical pirates dance. I actually want to see this movie because I have always been a big pirate guy. Most kids want to be baseball players (lame), most of the remaining want to be astronauts (lame), and the rest want to be periodontists (cool) or pirates (awesome). We all know which group I fell into. My fascination with pirates peaked with the Sega Genesis game Pirates Gold. I rocked that game like a gorilla in a nursing home. I don't want to brag, but you're talking to Marquis Powell, according to that game. If I could find some sort of grant money for me to simulate the effects of pirate mentality in a postmodern society or some bullshit like that, I could just sit at home and play that game all day. I'm getting choked up from thinking how great that'd be.

Okay, I need to add something else here because I set a 3 paragraph minimum for myself. Well, I'll tackle the major issue of the day. Britney Spears is no longer a virgin. If you any of you were trying to reach me last night, you know where I was. Hey o! To prevent a lawsuit, I will just say that Britney wishes she could get a piece of this. A lot of times, I'll go into work and she'll be sitting at my desk with a big bag of panties that she continually throws at me. It's hard to get work done that way.