Self Pee

You know how those monks used to protest Vietnam by lighting themselves on fire? That is really making quite a statement, doing something like that; you really must respect someone's point when they light themselves on fire. And so lately, I've been thinking up ways to make serious statements like you get with lighting yourself on fire without the horrifying, painful death part. So far, the best thing I've come up with is to pee in a cup and throw it at yourself.

The idea then is to save the lighting yourself on fire thing for the really big issues, and then just pee in a cup and throw it at yourself for the smaller ones. Let's say your country has been seized by brutal oppressors; in this case, you'd light yourself on fire. Now let's imagine that someone at work keeps taking your tape dispenser; this is clearly a pee in a cup and throw it at yourself situation. Or maybe your idiot brother won't let you watch Judge Judy. Again, pee in a cup and throw it on yourself. Nothing says, "I don't have to take this kind of shit!" like the old Self Pee act (that's what I'm going to call it, since the description is too long).

One question begs to be asked. I am looking for a maid as I hate cooking and cleaning the possum carcasses that people leave on the floor of my living room when I'm not around. However, I have no money. What I am wondering then is if I can get a homeless lady to be my maid. Hey, homeless guys, don't start with the bellyachin' because you guys are invited too. Here's the deal: you cook and clean, and in return, I'll give you a place to sleep in a tuberculosis free environment and promise not to stab you with a homemade shiv when you back is turned. Try getting that promise from any of your comrades on the streets. And if you want to do a little tapdancing in front of my front door for some spare change during the day while I'm at work, I won't stand in your way.