USRR

Well, no entry yesterday because some internet fiend decided to do everyone a favor and take my computer out with a virus. The Establishment has been waiting for that for some time, but I have a message for Mayor McCheese and the rest of the fat cats down in City Hall: You can't silence the truth! And to the person who sent me that virus: I will come after you. You'll be in bed one night, dreaming about the Olsen twins, and you'll hear a faint sound, like maybe your door just opened. You go back to sleep easy enough, knowing that no one could be in your house, certainly not the Internet Sweetheart known as Cody Powell. And then, all you hear is a *WHOOSH* and a loud smacking noise; say hello to a crimsoned backside. From there, I steal off into the desert, leaving you with your tears.

Well, it's the Fourth of July, the day most Americans set aside to celebrating a landmark event in American history, the birthday of that one dude from Born on the Fourth of July. Boy, that was long, confusing, and fairly unamusing (although this sentence rhymes and thus counteracts that). Today is the one day of the year it's legal to punch out a British person, and I think we'd be a bunch of fools to squander this opportunity by reading a bunch of crap on the ol' WWW here. So, I'm going to make this brief.

When it comes to our country, there is one idea that dominates my thinking. Would it kill us to replace the bald eagle as our national symbol with The Eagles, the rock supergroup? I have nothing against the bald eagle, but ask yourself this: When was the last time you saw a bald eagle bring the house down with a rendition of Witchy Woman? When was the last time one of the members of the bald eagle split to do a solo thing, only to end up writing the theme song to Miami Vice? I don't even think a bald eagle can play guitar! If we want to get serious about 21st century solutions to our problems, then we need to start first with our treasured symbols. I would be willing to agree to let the Eagles appear only in bird costumes at first to break in the population, but we need to get rolling on this, the sooner, the better. Or else, the United States of Rock and Roll is all just a crazy dream.