Abandoned Gun Towers

Bad news, chums: mankind's last hope, HavenCo, has failed. For those who aren't familiar, HavenCo is a company based on an abandoned gun tower in the North Sea, aka The Principality of Sealand, that would supposedly host all sorts of illegal content since it was set in international waters. You know, they said the economy was bad but, I enver believed it until I saw that HavenCo and Sealand were going under (PUN INTENDED!!!!). If HavenCo can't make it, then things are pretty grim for companies based on abandoned gun towers everywhere. Let's take a look at a few of these companies and analyze the situation a bit.

Abandoned Gun Tower Company #1: Cockfight Palace. Those fatcats in Congress can't let a good thing alone, going to the insane lengths of outlawing cockfighting in several places in the USA. One brave entrepreneur smelled opportunity and decided to set up shop in a place where the law can never touch him: the middle of the ocean. A mere 6 hours by boat from Pensacola, Florida (USA's cockfight capital), the Cockfight Palace features the horneriest roosters from all the surrounding islands (Haiti and Martinique) fighting to the death. The losers are fed to the sharks. Visit the gift shop.

Abandoned Gun Tower Company #2: Bill Bill Cooksy's Mermaid Escort Service. Nothing says super impressive like showing up to a fancy aquatic social event with a mermaid at your side. Bill Bill's is one of the few places on earth where lonely souls can go to enjoy the company of the sea's finest ladies; what you do with them is your own business. Bring some herring to watch them really go wild.

Abandoned Gun Tower Company #3: Whaling Adventures. Yet another case of laws getting in the way of old fasioned fun, it's nearly impossible to whale anywhere now. Thanks to an abandoned gun tower in the Arctic Ocean, all of that has changed. Show up with your harpoon and Eskimo guide, and get ready to watch the blubber fly.

As we can all see, the business models are solid. Cockfights, mermaid escorts, and dead whales aren't going out of business anytime soon. I hope that whichever supervillain is out to ruin the world's Abandoned Gun Tower Companies comes to his senses and realizes the beauty of that which can only be done by shady people in the middle of the ocean. Leave our Abandoned Gun Tower Companies alone!