Well, I finally got around to watching the Two Towers last night. That certainly is an enjoyable movie, but if you get too into it, it has some adverse effects on your personal life. For instance, I really wanted to walk around work this morning saying, "Good morrow, John of Dallas, son of Harold and Mindy, defender of the fax machine. Verily, your Dockers are pleated and your Palm Pilot is of virtue true. What do you see with your Caucasian eyes?" Of course, I would do all of this while dressed in chain mail and accompanied by a dwarf warrior. Unfortunately, I looked all over my apartment complex this morning and I couldn't find a steed noble enough to carry me through the halls of my office, so I called the whole thing off.
Another thing about the Two Towers is that it's this really magical land filled with sorcerers and whatnot, but when it comes time to throwing down, everyone puts their wands away and sets their mind to kicking ass. I think maybe the wizards should reexamine their wizarding manual because it seems to me that if you were an elderly magical man, you would prefer to turn someone into a stone possum rather than have some elaborate sword duel with them. If I were a sorcerer in those movies, everytime we went into battle, my comrades would all roll their eyes and say "Again with the stone possums?" Maybe it's the pansy thing to do, but I'll be damned if some orc is going to punch me in the face and mess up my bread and butter. I'd be waving that wand around like a man on fire.
It's probably a good thing that magic isn't real, though, because then we'd all be at the mercy of some very lame people. Think about it, the nosepicker in elementary school who was always trying to saw your sister in half on the playground could control the universe. If you were to cross your great uncle who pulls the coin out of your ear, he could make you explode at will. How scary would that be? The next time you hear someone expounding on how cool magic would be in real life, make sure you bring this up.
Posted by Cody at August 28, 2003 6:02 PM