Fancy Boy Club

Well, I have some news to report to everyone who inquired about my nose after yesterday's entry (that would be no one, I hate you all). It's hurting maybe 5% less. I'm not going to go ahead and declare myself to be in recovery state because I think it's very likely that whoever is cursing me saw the post yesterday and took it down a notch, thinking I'd forget all about it. It's not happening, Lester. I will write about my nose until it falls off or get better, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.

All of my life I've been a low class kind of guy, mainly eating stuff that I found in the trash can or that I accidentally killed with my car. I think I may be turning into a bit of a fancy boy now, though. That's pretty strange consisting that the rest of my diet consists of funyuns, Ghostbusters cereal, and Hawaiian Punch. I came to this conclusion while I was browsing the chip aisle for a little snack of the salsa variety. Yeah, they had your Tostitos salsa and your On the Border salsa and the HEB brand, but I wasn't interested in any of that crap. Why not direct me to your baby food aisle, I thought to myself. I was headed straight for the Jardines Cilantro Texasalsa, which ,according to their website, is a gourmet salsa. Ohh la la is right. However, that is not the fancy boy part of the story.

Back to the store in the chip aisle. I did a quick scan of the goods on the shelves, and I did not find it. Then I did a thorough, hardcore search, including checking behind things and on other aisles, but still no Jardines. I don't go down without a battle, so I asked an employee if they had any in stock. Still, not at the fancy boy part. I was still just a regular guy who likes his salsa. No shame there. He did a quick call to his buddy in the back and declared that no, there was no salsa. However, he reassured me, they have lots of other salsa. When he told me that, I just couldn't control myself: I sighed theatrically, causing him to raise his eyebrow. And then, right then, I was sure I had traipsed into the realm of the fancy boys. A beret and as ascot couldn't have made me any fancier just then. One of those long, Cruella de Ville style cigarette holders, and a velvet smoking jacket would've made me more of a regular guy.

Someone alert Robin Leach, George Will, and the rest of the people who throw fits in supermarkets because their gourmet salsa is out of stock, because there's a new member to that club. It's probably just a matter of days before I'm wearing a cape and going apeshit on the people at Applebees because I didn't want french fries, I wanted belgian style frites. I'm looking forward to it.