The Glory of the Last Name

Today's helping of goulash is for the single ladies. Gentlemen, take it outside (or sit in the back and shut the h up).

One thing a lot of ladies fail to consider when choosing a husband is the last name. If one guy is super cool and hot with a last name of Pukecookie and the other guy is a little less cool and moderately attractive, but with a last name of Beastslayer, you should definitely go with Beastslayer. I think this works well for me because even though my last name may not seem that awesome, it actually is because you can make a lot of puns with it. Now if you're going to object here and say, "But puns aren't cool!", then I suggest you get with the program. No man is going to want to marry you if you can't appreciate a good pun.

All of that being said, my last name works well because it rhymes with bowel, so there's pretty much an endless amount of puns you can do right there. So, if you decide to marry me and have my children (which you inevitably will), then anytime you take them anywhere, you can refer to it as a Powell movement. That's pretty good. Not to mention that when I get a little sassy, you can say "Someone here's got a case of irritable Powell syndrome." You think I can stay mad when you're cracking em off like that? No way. You can get as fat as you want to, as long as you keep making up puns about my name. I imagine other men would say the same.

Not that the puns stop with bowel references. Oh no, my last name also rhymes with towel, vowel, and fowl. Just think of all the terrycloth references you could make! If that's not going to keep you entertained, then I don't think this marriage is going anywhere because I just can't understand you. So ladies, to sum all of this up, the last name counts. You want a last name you can do a little something with. A man loses his looks with age, but that last name isn't going anywhere unless he joins the witness protection program. If that happens, then losing your puns probably isn't your biggest concern (although maybe it should be).

Posted by Cody at August 20, 2003 5:32 PM