Today, we're doing Part 3 of the NFL Preview. We'll be taking a look at the AFC East, whose teams won the NFL Talent Show last year with a brilliant lip sync of the Beach Boys "Kokomo".
AFC East Preview
Miami Dolphins - Miami Coach Dave Wannstedt pulled a ballsy move this offseason in letting mad scientist Ludwig Von Plutonium be in charge of all training. Ludwig Von Plutonium decided that he would bombard all players with intense bursts of radiation on a daily basis to make them superhuman. It's too early to determine how this will affect the team's play, but they certainly look different. Dolphins star running back Ricky Williams is now 9 feet tall with 17 arms, and quarterback Jay Fiedler can shoot laserbeams from his eyes, although he is now confined to a wheelchair. Things ought to be interesting.
New England Patriots - Following a disappointing '02 season, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick decided that he'd bring his team back to prominence by taking a hands-on approach. He built an elaborate set of bunk beds so that all of the players could sleep over every night, and he assigned chores to every single member of the team. And if they don't do their chores, then no Fig Newtons for them, it's as simple as that. He asked everyone on the team to call him Uncle Billy, and even though they do have some fun, he's not scared to deal out some spankings if someone breaks the rules (see Tom Brady breaking curfew). Even if this season doesn't go well, look for the WB to turn this into a sitcom called That's My Belichick.
Buffalo Bills and New York Jets
Capitalizing on the popularity of TLC's Trading Spaces, the NFL decided to do a Trading Spaces type thing with these two teams. All of the Bills players are Jets for this year, and vice versa for the Bills. While these teams are switched, players can go as wild as they want to in their temporary surroundings. Former Jets coach Herman Edwards' and TLC super designer Vern are planning on doing a medieval theme in the Bills locker room, complete with stables, an apothecary, and chain mail all over the place. Upon hearing of that, former Bills QB Drew Bledsoe was heard to remark, "How gay is that?" He then begged Laurie the Designer to allow him to put sparkles on the Jets' uniforms.