AFC South Preview

Today, we continue with Part 2 of the NFL Preview. We'll be taking a look at the AFC South today, whose teams collectively have won the past 270 Super Bowls.

AFC South Preview
Houston Texans - It was about time that an NFL team adopted the Texans as their name. And everything about this team from Houston is Texas all the way, from their Alamo shaped stadium to their coon skin, Davy Crockett style helmets. Sadly, the lack of normal football helmets has led to a disturbing amount of concussions and brain aneurysms. What they lack in modern day equipment though they make up for with the oil derricks that litter the playing field and the armadillos that run freely across the end zones. Look out for their trick play, the San Jacinto Shuffle. Provided their horses don't die, this is their year.

Indianapolis Colts - Looking to revive their dying franchise, the Colts made a long-term sponsorship deal with the popular malt liquor Colt .45. From now on, they will be referred to as the Indianapolis Colt .45. Half-time will feature each player guzzling a 40 and then pouring a little out for the teammates to injured to play. It is widely expected that the half-team drinking will lead to some ugly 4th quarters and undesirable hook-ups after the game. Watch for an appearance by Colt .45 ad man Billy Dee Williams should the team make the Super Bowl.

Jacksonville Jaguars - Just like their namesake, the Jaguars are expensive English pieces of crap, prone to breaking, and operating at the disposal of rich old guys. Not only do they insist on playing only English style football each game, better known to us capitalists as soccer, but they are reviled around the league for throwing scalding tea into the eyes of their opponents whenever they fall behind. A force to be reckoned with 300 years ago, they can't expect anyone to fear them until they stop taking Custard Breaks during their games.

Tennessee Titans - Rather than follow up on last year's winning season with a summer of work outs, instead everyone from the Titans just went over to coach Jeff Fischer's house and played a crapload of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. It was a daring strategy and we already saw it work this pre-season when quarterback Steve McNair stole Brett Favre's car before the game and then ran him over with it. If any looting breaks out mid-game, it is expected the Titans will put on a truly awe-inspiring display of mayhem. Warning to the other teams: they know the cheat for unlimited ammo. You want to stay on the Titans' good side this year.

Posted by Cody at September 8, 2003 5:31 PM