Now for Part 4 of the NFL Preview. Today, we're looking at the AFC West, which, just like the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Dick Cheney, doesn't actually exist.
AFC West Preview
Denver Broncos - Their season looked promising until the RIAA began filing lawsuits earlier this week. The Broncos, unashamed downloaders of anything having to do with Justin Timberlake, got served with one of those bad boys and promptly went underground. No one has seen or heard from them since, but they made it clear they will still be playing their games. I imagine them with a series of dramatic and unexpected entrances each week as they try to elude the police. One week, they all parachute from helicopters onto the field. The next week, they disguise themselves as security guards and enter the stadium, only to tear off their costumes right before kickoff. The police will be so impressed with their moxie from all these stunts that they refuse to arrest them after the game.
Kansas City Chiefs - The Chiefs gave up all hope of making it to the Super Bowl this year as soon as they heard about the California Governor's recall election. They had a team meeting and collectively gave the NFL the finger, saying they were going to devote the fall to winning the election. They will still go to their games, but rather than suit up and hit each other, they will hold lengthy talks in the stands with fans about the budget crisis. They won't win many games, but they will win our hearts.
Oakland Raiders - This has been a big summer for pirates, and that got Raiders owner Al Davis to thinking. To capitalize on the fact that the Raiders mascot is sort of a pirate looking guy, they are going to totally ride Pirates of the Carribean's coat tails and go all out with the sea rover crap. They will pull up to every game in an enormous schooner and fire cannons at the opposing teams. Most of the guys on the team will have scurvy, and during half time, they will dig up the entire field searching for buried treasure. Definite play-off material.
San Diego Chargers - It's been a rough couple of years for the Chargers. They have been working their tails off, playing the football, and most of America couldn't give a crap about them. So, this year, the Chargers decided they were going to give the American public a show we couldn't miss. How did they do this? They went out and signed America's two favorite bad boys to their roster: Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. Presumably they will alternate at quartback, and they promise to strut, preen, and juke their way into the hearts of millions. Perhaps you laugh because you think they can't play. I'll have you know they shared the MVP award in a touch football game played featuring the cast of the Lost Boys versus the cast from Blue's Clues. Can you say "Super Bowl Champs"?
Posted by Cody at September 10, 2003 5:39 PM