Edible Soap

I just used the following items to open up a jar of salsa: a belt, some pliers, a hammer, and a shower curtain. It was the shower curtain that did it. It's a good thing it opened when it did, because I was about to try shattering the jar in the bathtub and then scooping it up with a spoon. It'd be kind of like bathtub gin like they had in Prohibition. Not only would it still be a good snack, but I imagine it would also have soaked up some left-over shampoo or something, creating a powerful double threat. You could eat the bathtub salsa and then rub it in your hair to restore volume and manageability. If you think the chicks dig you now, wait until they see you delicately massaging salsa into your scalp.

This leads to an idea I've had for some time: someone should make edible soap. It doesn't make sense to take a shower early in the morning when you're all hungry and not have something to eat. Soap looks kind of edible too, so why don't we just put two and two together here? I'm always reading how all of America's jobs are going abroad, and I think edible soap could give our economy a kick in the pants. Imagine it, all of us coming in to work every day clean and well-fed, a full 10 minutes earlier because everyone ate in the shower. No one can compete with that.

In my mind's eye, I am seeing edible soap being kind of like astronaut ice cream. We'll keep it simple at first, a few flavors and no toppings. But as more and more people harness the power of edible soap, it's going to get wild. Razzleberry flavored edible soap? You never thought you'd see the day, but it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it. Things will only get better when someone comes up with an edible soap algorithm to calculate (mathematically) the best flavors. We get a few supercomputers on that thing and suddenly, it's like Thanksgiving dinner in the shower everyday. It's coming, friends.