Proper Diet for a Basset Hound

Well, I'll be honest. There's not much point to a football preview when most teams have already played 2 games. Not to mention the fact that I'm tired as hell of writing about that crap. So, in order to free up some space, I'll just say that all the teams in the NFC East, NFC South, and NFC West will win the Super Bowl as the NFL suddenly embraces a "share the wealth", USSR-like mentality. They celebrate with a bowl of borscht and then a snugglefest with a babushka. Okay, let's move on to more pressing matters.

Last week was a tough week to be a celebrity named John, eh amigos? The egg is really on my face as I stormed into my apartment complex's office earlier this month and said that if someone didn't fix my water heater pronto, John Ritter would mysteriously die. Damn my vague, ad hoc threats! But really, I liked both those guys, and since Johnny Cash has already been eulogized a billion times, I would like to point out that John Ritter made some incredibly funny movies that never got their due. Case in point? Real Men. Check it out if you local video store is having a Ritterthon/Ritterbration/Ritterospective. If your local video store isn't having a Ritterospective, then check out Space Jam and weep uncontrollably whenever Charles Barkley comes on screen.

There are two things I would like to start doing that I can't do by myself, so I call out to my readers, which essentially means I'm calling out to myself and the people who stumble upon this place looking for Salute Your Shorts fan fiction. First, I would like to start a regular advice column on here. Whether it be advice on relationships (dump the bitch)or the proper diet for a basset hound (10 ham sandwiches a day), I am here to help. So, someone ask me a question, either in the comments or in email.

Also, if anyone has gotten one of those Nigerian email thingies where they say need your help to get some money out of their country, let me know. I have a response I've been waiting to use, but no Nigerians are interested in my services. How do you say "Big Mistake" in Nigerian? That's probably not their language, but they'll be sorry one day.