Game 7

I am struggling with whether or not to do an entry tonight, because what I really want to do is spend all night hyperventilating over the Red Sox/Yankees game. As a way to combine the two, here are a few predictions for the game tonight.

The Yankees will cunningly fill the Red Sox's locker room with crocodiles. One will bite Manny Ramirez's hand off, adding to his legendary hatred for reptiles. Determined to play in the game, Manny will cut Derek Lowe's hand off and staple it to where his own used to be. Ramirez is now 1000 times stronger, and called Crocodile Manny by the announcers. This only makes him madder.

Pedro Martinez and Don Zimmer will begin the game with a hug on the pitcher's mound. This embrace will go from merely a friendly, conciliatory gesture to an all-out, balls-to-the-wall make out session in front of 50,000 people. The crowd will start chanting, "Get a room! Get a room!" At this point, Zimmer will grab his megaphone and yell, "We have already picked a venue for our love-making and it's going to be right here on this field!" No one can stop them at this point.

The Red Sox will take an early lead, only to blow it when Vikings attack and Leif Ericsson insists on playing pitcher. He gives up a home run and then loads the bases, only to be thrown out for having a foreign substance under his loin cloth. The foreign substance? You guessed it: the blood of Odin.

The Yankees will be comfortably ahead in the bottom of the 9th when the Red Sox stun all the spectators by calling Reversies No Take-Backs, forcing the Yankees to switch scores with them. Blinded by arrogance, Joe Torre forgot to say No Reversies before the game started. That's rule #1 in baseball, man! Derek Jeter, but no one cares. Thems the breaks, Jeter. Sox win.

Posted by Cody at October 16, 2003 5:50 PM