Haypenny Birthday

I forgot to mention that Haypenny turned 2 this week. I continue to be astonished that a group of unabashed polygamists can continue to produce such great stuff. I wrote a little piece to commemorate the occasion.

I remember the first time I heard about Haypenny. I had spent that afternoons running errands around town with my dog, Woofs McBoogaloo. We were just about done and getting ready to head home, when I saw a sign in front of Sears advertising a gravy boat sale. Not that my gravy boat at home wasn't sufficient, but I had been looking for a back-up in case of an emergency for a while, so I decided to go in and peruse the wares. I left Woofs in the car, thinking I'd only be gone a minute.

Well, Sears ended up being a bunch of royal jack-offs with the gravy boat sale. The merchandise was choddy, the prices were too high, and the cashiers kept trying to fondle me. I sighed theatrically and left the store, expecting to find Woofs McBoogaloo in the same spot where I'd left him. He wasn't there, though. Instead, there was a note written in crayon from Dennis Proctor. It said:
"If you ever want to see Woofs McBoogaloo again, you will write a piece for this website, haypenny.com. If it doesn't bring tears to my eyes, your days with Woofs are over.
Vengeance is mine,
D Proc"

I was astonished. How did he know Woofs's name? And what the hell was haypenny.com? I did a lot of soul searching that night, and finally elected to write the piece. It was hard to spin a yarn of a hilarity when all I wanted to do was dress Woofs up in his sailor costume. Somehow, I found a way. I wrote it, sent it in, and the next morning, I found another note in my car. It was from Dennis. It said, "The test has been passed." I have yet to see Woofs, though.