Letters to Corporations

Here are a few letters I've sent lately to various corporations.

Dear MSNBC,
I get it; Chris Matthews likes to yell a lot. But it seems to me that if you're going to name a show Hardball, then a hard ball needs to play a big role in the show. There should be a big dodgeball that Chris can throw at his guests, or better yet himself, when things start to get out of hand. The balls should squirt something on contact too, such as gravy, tar, or hot lava.
Hopefully,
Cody Powell

Dear Microsoft,
I swear to Christ that if you don't start paying me royalties from Windows, I am going to come up there with Chris Matthews' new hard ball and lay some fools out. I have told you time and time again that I formulated the idea for Windows in a letter I sent to Universal Pictures in 1980. I have enclosed it AGAIN for you to look at, you miserable bunch of jack-offs. Send me money, Gates.
Not joking around this time,
Cody Powell

Dear Universal Pictures, dated June 11, 1980
I am so fucking sick of Dom DeLuise. I insist you remove him immediately from Smokey and the Bandit 2 or I will never another trucker movie again. I wish to Jesus I had a computer that could display graphics so I could watch that fat sack of pardon-my-french get hit right in the nards with Chris Matthews' hard ball.
I'm About to Rip Some Shit Up,
Cody Powell