Operation Babelfish

I have this little theory that it doesn’t matter at all what I type in an email, and people will just reply with what they think I said. I decided to put this theory to the test today. What I decided to do was to email a group of people, but translate my email into a foreign language and then back into English before I sent it. Here are my results, with the emailed stuff in italics for clarity.

I decided to send the first email to Mike, a coworker. Here's the original text that I wanted to be translated: "No lunch plans for today. I propose that we embark on a crazy lunch scheme and go eat somewhere. What do you think?"

Here's what I sent, which is the original text translated into Spanish, then back to English: "No plans of the lunch for today. I propose that we undertake a crazy scheme of the lunch and go somewheres. What you think?"

His response: "Alas and alack, XXXX has already grabbed today's lunch appointment spot. Tomorrow work for you?"

Conclusion: my coworkers must know I’m stupid and don't want to make a big deal out of it.

The second one was a bit of an extended correspondence with Nunchuks, trusted confidante and all-pro emailer. Here’s the original text I was going to send: "How impressive were the Marlins last night? They're scrappers! I accidentally fell asleep at 9:30 last night, then woke up at 11 just as they were going into extra innings. Scrappers!"

Here’s that text translated to Portuguese and back, which is what I sent: "How impressive was marlins last night? They are scrappers! I accidentally fell asleep in 9:30 last night, to follow I woke up above in 11 right ones while they were entering in times extra. Scrappers!"

Nunchuks' Response: "i threw something at the TV when oogy allowed those two runs in the 9th-then when they brought in that other guy i was so impressed that he didn't allow any runs. watching the rocket's last start was amazing though, even though i hate the yankees."

Nunchuks pays no attention to what I say, even though it was particularly gibberishy. I will try again, this time kicking it up a notch. The original text of my reply: "Yeah, Oogy was losing it. I was certain the Yankees would find a pathetic and lame way to win that game, but alas, they did not. Roger Clemens looks like he'd beat you up over a can of Meisterbrau, and baseball will be a little less cool without him."

That translated to Italian and back makes super gibberish: "Yeah, Oogy was losing it. I was sure that the Yankees would find a sense pathetic and cripple to gain that game, but the alas, not. Roger Clemens observes as it would strike them in on latta of the surplus to of Meisterbrau and the baseball it will be a less cold small without than he."

Her response: "are you on mescaline today? your sentense structure is like you translated from english to polish to greek and back to english. or mabye you just took 9 shots of jagermeister."

Uh oh, the jig is up. I will try one last thing, an act of desperation: "What does that mean? I think you are stupid."

To French and back: "What this means? I think that you are the stupid."

Okay, not getting anywhere here, so I move on. The next one I sent was to my Dad. Here's the original text: "Do I need to mail you some more money for car insurance? How many months should I send? $140, right?"

To Chinese and back: "I needs to mail you some moneys for the automobile insurance? How many month should I send? $140, is correct?"

His response: "Trying to cheat the old man? $145.00 is the amount." Then blah blah blah, insurance stuff.

Not only does he pay no attention, but he gets a little surly. He makes up for it a few minutes later when he sends the following email to me and my sister: "Here's a business idea for your two: interchangeable bobble heads. You buy a generic body.... I guess you would have to have male or female.... and just put whatever head you want on it. Or... Haley, fashion designer....bobble head clothes."

That email has nothing to do with the experiment, but I thought I’d get it out there in case anyone wants in on the gold mine.

Finally, one to P Diddy, where I went all in on the gibberish. Original text: "I don’t know what the deal is for this evening, so just call me whenever you make it into Round Rock. If I haven’t sold my phone for a quart of High Life, I’ll let you know what’s going on."

Spanish and back, cleaned up a bit. "Don’t I knows which is the distribution for this late night, so just calls to me whenever you do it on Round Rock. If haven’t of I sold my telephone for a quarter of gallon of High Life, I’ll let know what’s to him that they ignited. "

His response: "By all means, sell the phone. However, try to get a Busche Tall Boy thrown into the deal. Don't let Danza take you for a ride. I'll find ya."

Conclusion: Does it even matter what I say to this man?

So, I think what's obvious here is that it doesn’t matter what I say to anyone, which I think is what all of us sort of suspected to begin with. Note: I sent out quite a few emails like this today, but I only presented the cream of the crop. If you got a non-English email from me today, now you know why. Shout out to babelfish for doing all the hard work.

Posted by Cody at October 23, 2003 5:27 PM