Crapzilla! I had woven my usual tapestry of magic in here and then I clicked the wrong button on my mouse, only to have the entry poop its pants, die, and then bill me for the funeral. I've been thinking for a while now that my mouse is way too complicated for a simple caveman like me, but this just confirms it, now that I discovered the Self Destruct button. I'm tempted to go get another, more idiot friendly mouse, but then I can see this Self Destruct button coming in handy. Let's set the scene.
Overwhelmed by jealousy, the #2 result for goulash, those hungarian doofuses, storm the Powell complex. They slip in silently, and take out the armed guards and my squadron of attack hippos. Luckily for them, they catch me right during my bubble bath, or else I'd clean the house with them. They chain me up, make me smell their socks, and then decide to hit me where it really hurts.
They force me to divulge the password to the Goulash mainframe (JacottRules) and once inside, they go straight to sabotaging the internet's favorite site. They mark the whole thing up with all of this Hungary Rules, Goulash Drools propaganda. I'm getting so mad, I think about just busting out of the chains and biting their noses off, but I decide I will humiliate them before I destroy them. I say to their leader, "Hey comrade, if you want to submit that, just use that button over on the right side of the mouse." He clicks it, then looks over at me with one of those Eastern European smirks that I hate so much. He has no idea how I've tricked him.
He looks back to the screen, to gloat over the art he's just ruined. All he sees is a blank screen and the undiminished glory of goulash. "What the crap!" he yells in Hungarian. I break free from the chains and scream, "We call that one the Self Destruct Button, you filthy savage!" I take the beret from his head, stuff it in his mouth, then I throw him out the window, along with the rest of his crew. The killer attack hippos shake off the effects of the chloroform and begin a boisterous chant of "USA! USA!" I give out a round of high-fives to them and then go back to my bubble bath. Justice is preserved for another day, thanks to the Self Destruct Button.
Posted by Cody at October 28, 2003 6:54 PM