Attack of the Spammers

Running a website that attracts literally billions of people each day, I have gotten used to people trying to make a quick buck off Goulash. For instance, when Disneyland wanted to create Goulash the Ride, I refused due to my artistic integrity, even though the deal was sweet for me (free funnel cakes for life and breakfast with Goofy). Recently though, some scoundrels have left me out of the loop entirely and taken to exploiting the comments section of of older posts, trying to sell their penis enlargement services. Just to give you guys a taste of what's been going down, check out three comments just added to this entry from August.

Maybe those of you who are in advertising can straighten me out here, but I don't think these people will experience much success. First, the names they're posting under aren't very good. Who on earth is going to want to buy penis enlargement services from someone named Wacowski Kat Gloor or AuCoin Kelly? Wacowski Kat Gloor sounds like something they'd serve in the cafeteria of a concentration camp. Try going with something a little more provocative, like Professor Weiner. Second, the messages they post just don't make a lot of sense. The most recent one said, "The fear of death is the beginning of slavery," followed by a link to penis-enlargement-advice.net. While I guess you could extrapolate that message to mean something about the slavery of small genitalia, that's just too much work for a man who is in urgent need of penis enlargement advice. Simplify your message, perhaps through the use of haiku. Consider using the following:
You call that a
penis? More like a third nipple
above testicles!

And finally, I would suggest posting these messages on a place where this issue would tend to appear more frequently, like on a Nascar message board. As far as I know, most Goulash readers reproduce through Parthenogenesis, and so the penis info isn't really relevant. I think I speak for us all when I say that we appreciate the sentiment, but let's just leave the comments to their intended use, such as a discussion of how to mail Warwick Davis a letter.

Confidential to the spammers: PERHAPS I'd be willing to change my attitude about all of this stuff if you were to cut in me in on the action. Let's talk funnel cakes and a Dolly Parton autograph.

Posted by Cody at December 10, 2003 4:58 PM