Holiday Holdups

It cheeses me off something horrible when I go to update this thing at 5:15 PM, just like I always do, and my leper of a webhost isn't functioning properly. Don't these people know that between 5:15 and 5:45 every day is my Magic Time, when the words pour from my fingers like juice from a Hi C Ecto Plasma Cooler? Somebody get me management. If the fatcats who run the joint aren't too busy driving around in their platinum Rolls Royces, let them know that CWMP is going to tear some crap up if he doesn't start seeing his $5 monthly fee in action. Okay, I feel a little better now.

I am super pumped about Christmas. Not really because of the gifts and the seasonal cheer, but because of the rash of crimes we'll see where the perpetrator is dressed as Santa Claus. People are always robbing banks and jacking cars this time of year dressed as old Saint Nick, presumably because most people would never turn in Santa to the police. They would rob him of his magic! Actually, I don't understand why people start committing crimes in December dressed as Santa. I think maybe it's because they don't want their crime to be taken seriously. That way, if you're robbing the bank and they're out of money or something, the guy could just say, "Ho ho ho, Santa would never rob you!" Then he could give them a candy cane and haul ass out of there, before they realized what was going on.

Also, I think it's strange that people will rob a bank around Christmas dressed as Santa, but no one does it as a leprechaun around St. Patrick's Day. That goes for the Easter Bunny and Baby New Year too (assuming i didn't make that character up). Doing that would be so much more clever, yet no one does it. What happened to the criminal masterminds in this country? The beauty part of picking one of these lesser known holiday mascots (that's what i'm calling those things, holiday mascots), is that it would give a little surreal edge to the crime, and the police could just say the victim is crazy. "Tom Turkey car jacked you? What the hell does that mean? Get out of here, Mr. Jacott, we have real crimes to solve!"