Goulash by the Numbers for the month of November.
Number of people who searched for goulash on Google and ended up here: 546
Number of people who were dissatisfied with the results of their search: 545
Number of people who were so dissatisfied with this site being the #1 result, they snuck into my house late at night and dumped rotten taco meat on my keyboard: 126
Number of dissatisfied searchers who, after the taco meat thing, attempted to climb into bed with me: 61
Number of bed climbers who paused before getting into my bed to put on My Little Pony jammies: 9
Number of My Little Pony jammies wearers who cut off a lock of my hair, after successfully slipping into my bed: 7
Number of hair snippers who still expected me to cuddle them after all this crap: 4
Number of people from the Netherlands who accessed this site last month: 62
Number of Netherlanders who immediately after seeing the site, sent me a pair of wooden shoes out of gratitude: 57
Number of splinters I got for wearing the wooden shoes they sent: 197
Number of wooden shoe senders unwilling to foot my copay fee so I could see a doctor about all of the damn splinters: 48
Number of wooden shoe senders who then had a bounty sworn out on their heads for being cheap pieces of crap who care nothing for the well being of my feet: 48
Number of soon-to-be dead Netherlanders who tried to even the score with me by sending me another pair of wooden shoes, which they claimed to be magic , but were actually infected with monkey pox: 19
Number of times I tried these "magic" wooden shoes on and then promptly proceeded to urinate blood: 16
Number of Netherlanders who I consider friends: 0
Also, dude, Netherlander is not the preferred nomenclature. Dutchman, please.
Posted by: Danza at December 2, 2003 6:28 PMWe're not talking about the guys that built the railroads, man.
Posted by: Cody at December 2, 2003 6:32 PMShut the fuck up Donnie.
Posted by: Frito at December 2, 2003 11:18 PMThat wasn't her toe, Dude.
Posted by: Pdiddy at December 2, 2003 11:44 PMYou want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon... with nail polish.
Posted by: nunchucks at December 3, 2003 1:17 PMI'm staying.
I'm finishing my coffee.
Enjoying my coffee.
Posted by: Pdiddy at December 3, 2003 5:56 PMI'n not that sure
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