Aloha, brothers and sisters. It appears that one of our national treasures, James Brown, has run afoul of the law again (note the delightfully terrifying mugshot). If anything, this fiasco makes one thing apparent: James Brown needs diplomatic immunity, pronto. If President Bush were serious about getting re-elected, he'd make that a high priority. His to do list should read:
1. Kill some terrorists.
2. Straighten out that economy thing.
3. Get the Man off JB's back. He's just doing his thing.
With that, they'd be putting him on the 20 in a matter of weeks. If Bush isn't man enough to do it, Al Sharpton is. End of story.
But anyway, the world's greatest mug shot makes me want to revisit one of the greatest foolies I've ever done. Two or three years ago, I scoured the web for the most bizarre picture of a woman I could find. Once I had it, I created a terrifying online persona for this woman, and then created a truly bewildering Yahoo Personals ad for her. I would have to find the contents of the ad in order to share the brilliance with you, but suffice it to say, it was pretty sweet. Sweeter still was when a few deranged men were intrigued enough to respond to it. And the sweetest of all was when these men realized what was going on, and then hunted me for sport. Long story short: hilarity ensued.
As I was typing that out, I got the feeling that maybe it was time to play match maker again. So, I created another Yahoo Personals ad, this time for James Brown. The fatcats at Yahoo have to approve it before they'll post it. I have no clue whether or not they're going to do it, but once it's up, it'll be under the name sir_weinerbiscuit. You better believe I'm posting a link to that bad boy ASAP. Just to whet you appetite a little bit, here's a portion of the part where I describe who I'm looking:
I'm looking for a woman with a car, an affinity for cattle prods, and an UNQUENCHABLE ZEST FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!
If anyone reading this happens to work at Yahoo, you know what to do.
Posted by Cody at January 29, 2004 6:08 PMMy very early morning half sleep state, I get to Goulash and I almost tossed my english muffin into my monitor. What a great diet aid you've found for me Cody. I'll just print out that picture of JB and paste it to the fridge, hocus-pocus, no more midnight raids on the cheese cake with Mr. Feelgood there to kill any appetite I might have. Easy on the visual, some of us start pretty early.
Posted by: rain at January 30, 2004 4:41 AMFirst of all, Goulash will not be held responsible for any monitor damage. Secondly, I'm glad you caught on to the diet aid strategy I was going for, in posting that pic. I'm getting sick and tired of people saying all Goulash readers are morbidly obese fat-heads. Stop the insanity, I says!
Posted by: Cody at January 30, 2004 9:33 AMPeople are peering in my cube to ascertain the reason for my deranged cackling...best mug shot ever, even beats the lady with the tattooed face and the guy with shit written on his forehead in magic marker. I'm interested in the kinda ladies that would be interested in said personal ad, some pretty sick cookies i'd imagine. Oh yeah, i say your yeti movie, very interesting...where do you work that they let you take drugs?
Posted by: matt at January 30, 2004 2:51 PMWhile it may look like a cracked out James Brown, it's really an artist's rendering of Boj, circa 2007.
Posted by: Danza at January 30, 2004 5:14 PMNo word yet from Yahoo on JB's personal ad. And if Boj looks like that in 2007, all of my hard work will finally make some sense.
Posted by: Cody at January 30, 2004 5:41 PM