Monopoly Droppings

Explanation: One of my new year's resolution was to try my luck as an insult comedian.
Hey stupids! What, did they let the NAMBLA meeting out early today? I wouldn't say you guys are the stinkiest bunch I ever met, but the first time I saw you guys, I wondered, "What is this, the synchronized pants pooping team?" Now let me talk about your mother. She is both promiscuous and idiotic, and for an example of both traits, I point to the time she went to see Ghostbusters and wouldn't stop yelling at Slimer to give her the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's phone number.
Thus concludes my first stint as an insult comic.

Today, in front of my normal parking spot at work, there were two discarded Monopoly boards. No Community Chest cards or little wheelbarrow pieces, just two ripped up boards. As the French say in between gulps of wine, très intéressant! We've all read news stories about how, due to strange meteorological circumstances, the sky rained frogs or something kooky like that. So, at first, I just assumed it was a random raining of Monopoly boards. Then I got to thinking and it occurred to me, "Hey, this is just a little TOO perfect." I came up with two theories on how the Monopoly boards got put there.

Theory the first: they were strategically placed there by the Parkers Brothers Company to send me a message. You may be wondering why, of all the people in the world, they chose to intimidate me with their strong-arm tactics. Well first, I am a handsome Internet superstar, beloved by hundreds. Second, and this is something I don't like to reveal to many people, I am Central Texas's reigning Tiddlywinks champ. I'd elaborate more, but do I even need to get into the East Coast/West Coast board game wars with you people? Jesus.

Theory the second: the parking lot at work is built on an old Monopoly burial ground. Legend has it that every full moon, Uncle Moneybags roams the lot, making dents in cars with his doomed thimble.