Organ Donor

I got some good news today. My grandparents used to have this old, really great pipe organ that I loved to mess around with, and when we were cleaning their house out a few years ago, my mom took it. I had always expressed interest in taking it home with me, but I never could because the organ's volume controls didn't work. Everything you played was at full blast. Not exactly being Van Cliburn on that thing, I thought it wise not to take it home and serenade my neighbors with a soulful and deafening version of Rub A Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub each morning. That just has "long walk off a short pier wearing cement booties" written all over it, thus I was content to leave that thing at my mom's and only break it out for some Christmas carols each year.

However, my stepdad, using all of his electrical wizardry, took one look at that thing and said, "I've got it covered like Buford T. Justice on the Bandit." And now, that being said, I'd like to introduce all of you guys to a new friend of mine, Mr. Volume Control. I haven't had a chance to test it out yet, but I can just imagine the majesty that's going to be pouring out of the thing when I start tickling the ivories. Warning to the ladies: The crescendo at the end of I've Been Working on the Railroad is going to pull some serious heartstrings, and I don't care who knows it.

One neat thing about the organ is that it has all of these beats you can set to play along with. Yeah, that'll be cool when I'm kicking out the jams on it, but it'll be even cooler for the impromptu rap battles that have been known to occur here. In the past, we have had a hard time finding something to play along with. Not to mention that it's just embarrassing when I'm asking Old Dirty Bastard to accompany me on a comb and a piece of tissue paper; I may as well wear a bib that says Sucker MC on it. So anyway, in one fell swoop, I have found a new medium for my genius as well as a way for me to save face with the rap community. I better get this organ a gift cert to the Container Store as a way of saying thanks for this abundance of riches.