Selling Out

Word to your mothers, here comes the last Goulash of the week. Henry Rollins is going to be doing a spoken word thing in San Antonio on Saturday night. Had someone told me this when I was 16, I would've dropped my fudge right there. I really liked his work in Black Flag a lot, but even more than that, I admired him for the stuff he'd done after BF. The writing, the spoken word stuff, the pie eating contests: I thought it was great. Since then though, old Hank appeared in a ton of idiotic crap, including a little something called Bad Boys 2. I'm not one of those pretentious weiners who's always ranting about selling out, but there's something very sad about playing 8th banana to Mr. Martin Lawrence. Unless, of course, the movie we're talking about is Big Momma's House, in which case you're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

But anyway, I mention all of this because the issue of selling out has recently arisen in my life. With the fame that comes with running a website that attracts literally dozens of people a week, I have had some opportunities that've come my way, opportunities that I've pounced on like a randy tiger. To you, maybe my new line of adult diapers, C-Po's Poo Stoppers For the Gray Hairs, or my recent guest appearance on Survivor: Calcutta constitutes selling out. Well, if that's the case, then I have a few questions for you, hot shot.

1. If a wealthy adult diaper tycoon came to you with a bucket of money and a twinkle in his eye, and told you that he could make you the biggest name in incontinence since the dude who invented rubber sheets, what would you say?

2. Would a total sell-out eat all of the Chex Mix on the set of Survivor: Calcutta? And when the producer came over and got all pissy about it, would he blame the wardrobe girl? And then, while the wardrobe girl is getting flogged, would he do a totally fake boo-hoo face at her?

So in conclusion, I'm as sold out as Wilford Brimley's Make Out Party for PC and Playstation 2. Secret note to my friends: I have an outstanding new crazy woman story; ask me about it and you shall be entertained. Psychopaths of the internet, you will have to wait for another time to hear that one.

Posted by Cody at January 15, 2004 5:15 PM