If you happen to be bordering on the insane, living alone is necessary if you want to preserve any dignity whatsoever. This became abundantly clear to me this morning as I turned on all of my faucets to make sure that water was coming out of them, not fudge. To clarify, I don't do this every morning, just ones in which I think there's a better than average chance that somehow the water pipes in my apartment got mixed up with the candy factory's fudge pipes.
You see, I had to come in to work early this morning for a meeting. I was scared I'd forget about this meeting, so I placed Post-It Notes all over my apartment that read, "Wake up at 8 on Monday! Don't be late!" I couldn't avoid that message no matter where I went in Powell Manor. As such, this was the foremost issue on my mind when I went to sleep last night. And because I overdid that message and got myself all worked up about it, I had a completely bizarre dream Sunday night that I was late for work because all of my faucets were pouring fudge instead of water and I couldn't get them to stop. I have no idea about the significance of the fudge faucet in my dream (which sounds pornographic), and I had a chuckle the next morning about how weird the whole thing was. Despite this, I still had to turn on all my faucets and make sure that water was indeed coming out before I could go to work this morning.
Back when I had roommates, if I had some kind of crazy candy nightmare like that, it was a lot harder to check all of the faucets in the joint just for reassurance. I could probably get one or two tops before a roommate would ask me what I was doing, I'd have to confess the whole thing, and I'd then get called Mr. Fudge Flood for the rest of my life. Nevermind that I was only doing it because I was concerned with their lives and our security deposit in the face of an unstoppable chocolate torrent! Somehow, Mr. Considerate is always the crazy guy in those situations. And really, if I'm going to predict one major event in my sleep, it's probably going to be some kind of candy catastrophe, so I don't see why checking it out the next morning is cause for concern.
Those of us with the courage to call a fudgey nightmare's bluff are the real heroes here. It is a damn shame that the roommates of the world are not ready to acknowledge that. Until they do, we will just have to monitor our own faucets and pray for mild suffering for all of those who don't share our amazing psychic abilities.
The haiku contest ends at 11:59 PM! Submit while you can!Posted by Cody at March 15, 2004 5:55 PM