I've been incredibly distracted the past weeks, what with Carlos threatening to sue me, my trip to Mexico, and some employment intrigue that I don't feel like getting into. In fact, I've been so distraught the past few weeks, I've completely forgotten that SOMEONE here is going to be having a birthday soon. I don't want to spill the beans on his name, but it's the affable, urbane, and stunningly handsome bane of Carlos Jacott's existence. In case you can't put those hints together, on March 22nd, yours truly will be adding another ring of wood around
his trunk. I'll be hitting the big 23, bringing me another year closer to renting a car and running for Senator. Look out, Hertz and Capitol Hill!
Actually, I really don't get excited about my birthday because it's been all downhill since I was 10. In those days, I could always count on two things: my birthday falling during Spring Break, and one crazy ass throw down at the Putt Putt to celebrate. In a stunning twofer of malevolence, at about the same age that everyone stopped caring about how old I was, the school board rescheduled Spring Break so I had to start going to school on my Special Day. Now, it's inevitable that as you get older, your birthday stops being such a momentous event; I harbor no ill will there. But rescheduling Spring Break? That was unacceptable. One day soon, I am going to run for School Board President in Arlington, move Spring Break back so it includes March 22, and then while everyone's gone, I'll bulldoze all of the schools for catharsis. That's one birthday princess the Arlington Indepedent School District will never again trifle with.
Ever since that's happened, all March 22nd has meant is another tsunami of spankings directed towards my backside. I appreciate that, as there's nothing sadder than a birthday hiney going unsmacked, but I feel like this year, I should do something exciting as a way of reclaiming my birthday. Since I happen to share that birthday with Delta Burke and William Shatner, I've considered trying to get the three of us together for some birthday rowdiness, maybe at Medieval Times or something like that. Let me extend the offer again: Delta and Bill, please join me on the 22nd for some fun, food, and feudalism. If you agree to come along, I promise to buy you some chain mail at the gift shop afterwards.Posted by Cody at March 3, 2004 6:08 PM