March 7, 2004

Tragedy

I don't want to be an alarmist here because it could just be a fluke. However, sometime in the past few days, those Hungarian bastards stole the only thing I really care about in this world: my Google ranking. It is with great sadness that I report that I am no longer the #1 result for goulash. After months of kicking ass at the top, I have suddenly and mysteriously been relegated to #2. While I'm not too sharp on my Hungarian, I am confident that right now, János Mohácsi is laughing hysterically and screaming, "In your face, Cody Powell!" For that, he/she will pay.

Not only do I find this humiliating, I think it's extremely questionable. How is it that after 172 entries of ass-kickery and several months of being #1, I get the boot? The only thing I can think of is that some Hungarian skullduggery is at work here. I don't know if it was a bribe or some threats, but János definitely got to the boys at Google somehow. Your bully tactics may work in Silicon Valley, but the people of the Internet aren't fooled. I'm the people's champ and I intend to fight like a bastard until I'm back on top, like I richly deserve. Your empire of lies will soon crumble, Mohácsi.

The idea of going into the Bicentennial ranked #2 fills me with fear, so I call upon you, the people of the Internet, to call in any favors you have stored up at Google to get me back where I belong. When people search for goulash, they want to find an inane personal website, not a stupid recipe. In time, Google will come to see that. Until then, I'll be camped out in their parking lot, throwing tomatoes at passing cars.

Update: Nunchuks is saying I'm still #1 when she googles for goulash. What is going on here? This lack of professionalism is unacceptable, Google! People, let me know if you search and I'm #1. If, God forbid, you search and I'm #2, just keep your sorrow to yourself.

Posted by Cody at March 7, 2004 3:16 PM