Okay, it's April 1st. I should be doing an April Fool's prank, like everyone else on the WWW. Here are the three I thought of:
1. I give up on Goulash.
Pro: I imagine some sort of telethon would be organized to get me to continue.
Con: Everyone and their freakin' momma claims to quit their site on April 1.
2. I get sued by Carlos jacott.
Pro: It'd certainly be believable.
Con: Could be the catalyst for actually getting sued by Carlos Jacott.
3. I fake my death, move up to Saskatchewan, and am never heard from again.
Pro: Get the student loan people off my back.
Con: Sounds kind of complicated.
As you can see, none of that crap is going to fly, so I'm just calling off the whole April Fool's Day thing. You can take everything I say in good faith here. All I serve on Goulash is truth and beauty, and you can take that to the bank. So, on to today's entry, about my hatred of pimentos.
Wait, what's that? A knock on my door?
15 minutes go by.
A loud kaboom is heard, followed by a crazed laugh.
Son of a bitch! I opened the door, and there was this wizard looking guy out there who turned me into a pixie. Maybe I'm not actually a pixie, I could be a sprite or something. But I am definitely a cheerful, mischievious, diminuitive creature. Ohhh, why must these things always happen to me? I'm going to have to buy an all-new wardrobe and start pulling trickeroos all the time. Not cool.
Due to this startling turn of events, look forward to a new pixie-centric Goulash, where I document the tribulations of being a mythical being in today's turbulent world. It will be sadder, more profane, and most importantly, absolutely true. I hope everyone is looking forward to this journey as much I am.
Cody W.M. Powell, world's newest pixie/sprite