Hey, gas prices! A prostitutes to the stars called; she wants her outrageous rates back! That joke might not work so well, since I imagine a prostitute to the stars earns more than $20 a fill-up. Unless she's the madame to the stars of Telemundo, who I presume don't make much money. I could be wrong, but I thought I read somewhere they got paid with wheelbarrows full of manure. Obviously that works well in a strong wheelbarrow + manure market, but right now? Forget about it! I imagine several strongly-worded letters have already been written to Alan Greenspan about all of this, so I will step down from this soapbox and get back on the one I originally stood on, which was dedicated to gas prices.
Hey, gas prices! Some people are getting so worked up about you, they sent me some emails saying, "Don't buy any gas on May 19th!" I try hard to be the apple of everyone's eye, so I didn't share my opinion with anyone who sent me such an email, but I don't know effective this tactic is going to be. Instead of buying some gas today, you have to buy even more gas tomorrow. Game, set, match: protesters. Big oil has been put in its place, thanks to some quick thinking. If these people were serious about making a statement, they would sell their cars and all buy Segways, pogosticks, and big old tricycles. But no, they'll keep forking over their benjamins to old Richie Oilypants down at the gas station rather than support their local, mom and pop tricycle dealer. Unacceptable!
Hey, gas prices! If you don't go down soon, lots of people are going to start buying hybrid vehicles. This presents a problem for the bullies of our nation, as they won't know whose lunch money to steal. Right now, I bet a bully sees a hybrid and thinks, "I can easily shake that poindexter down and go buy myself a Nutrageous." But soon, he may risk angering a regular citizen, or even a fellow bully. Bullies killing bullies, say it ain't so.
Posted by Cody at May 19, 2004 6:31 PM