Dia de Mama

Shalom, Mother's Day! I hope everyone took their sweet mommas out for a breakfast of waffles and champagne this morning. I also hope that, after a few glasses of the bubbly stuff, no one mixed their waffles with their champagne and forced their sweet momma to eat it; that is just gross. What do you think she is, some sort of Iraqi prisoner? It is refreshing to know you can drive your mom totally insane for an entire year, and it only takes some brunch and a pack of soap to make you square again. Of course, the irony is kinda diminished several years down the road when she moves into your house and loses control of her bowels. I forget what my point was here, so in closing, be nice to your mom.

I think I'm getting played for a sucker with all of these parent-based holidays. I have no children, but I do have both a plant and a cat, which makes me roughly 1/3 of a parent. And yet, despite spending roughly 15 minutes a day nuturing and whatnot, I've yet to receive any sort of gift from those two. I've always heard that rubber trees and cats are "Nature's Tag Team" but it surely doesn't seem like it comes to consideration for ol' Pops. I'm gone all day long; you'd think they would have ample time to plan something out. But no, all I get is more stuff to water and more poop to scoop up. If it weren't for all the free oxygen and cat hair I was getting out of the deal, I would consider trading those two in for a Gamecube.

Since we (the royal we) are talking about my nuturing skills, I feel like I should point that I spent $100 at the vet for Octopussy yesterday. Yeah, shots and stuff are expensive and I understand that, but I paid $70 just for 6 pills. After that kind of money, I expect this cat to be bulletproof, or at the very least, clairvoyant. If not, I will be seeking a refund immediately. You have been put on notice, Mr. Veterinarian.