Joining the Cody Powell Team

Oh dear heavens, I had one of those weekends that should be reserved for former child actors who just escaped from rehab by hiding in the laundry truck. Thankfully, I am back in casa de copo, where the biggest risk is Octopussy knocking over my ceramic baby doll collection. Those aren't toys, they're an investment, and I will defend them as such. But anyway, now that I'm back in the squalor which I call my home, I am reminded of just how badly I could use some help around here. With my various civic duties, I sometimes don't do such a good job on the cooking and cleaning, which is why I am now accepting applications for my live-in maid.

Now that I think about it, maid may not be the correct title for this position, as I don't intend to pay this person. It's more of an indentured servant sort of thing. That doesn't make it sound very good, but I maintain it'll be a sweet gig. You'll get free room and board, plus lots of quality time with me. You can even make my patio into your very own living area. In exchange, you'll only have to work a few hours a day. You can spend the rest of your time putting together a puzzle, reading quietly, or sweeping the patio; what you do on your own time is your business. You will have to stay on the premises at all times though, since it's kind of hard to cater to my whims from down the street.

I must warn you, though, it's not easy to cook for me. The only thing I'll eat is Vienna sausages, and I expect them to be cooked a different way for every meal. And your cleaning duties may get kind of intense, as I plan on raising hogs in my living room. Furthermore, if you make eye contact with me, I reserve the right to thrash you with a bamboo rod. Aside from that, I will be a most benevolent master. Provide a CV with references to cody@codypowell.com and I'll get back to you in a timely manner.