My cat has one eye. The real story of her cyclopsification isn't very interesting, so I've been trying to come up with some cool explanations for it. Here's what I have so far.
- The eye was poked out while defending me from a wild baboon attack.
- The eye was stolen by a shaman for use in a zombie-raising potion.
- The eye was shot out by the Sandinistas when she was conscripted into the Nicaraguan army.
- The eye was seized and then destroyed at the airport when the security guards realized she had X-ray vision and could see the pilot's underwear.
- The eye was traded for fish tranquilizers during a time my cat doesn't like to talk about.
Hmm, I am beginning to think I have a great talent here. Maybe I could be some sort of consultant to hospitals that they call in whenever someone has an ailment without a cool story to explain it. I don't want to jinx it, but I'm fairly certain I am sitting on a gold mine here. After all, it has been widely established that the world's biggest untapped market is deformed, untrustworthy people. If I can just get 50 cents from each of them, it's only a matter of days before I'm riding around town on a solid gold ostrich and throwing pizza parties that'd make the cast of 21 Jump Street blush.
Unforunately, as great as this idea is, it's not quite ready to be implemented. I have business cards to print and skywriters to hire before I go public with this. For right now, as a public service, I promise to come up with a great story for any physical ailment that you may have. Just leave the deformity in the comments and prepare to have a story so great, Tom Jones will be throwing his undies at you, for once.
Posted by Cody at May 3, 2004 6:31 PM