Make A Story Foundation

My cat has one eye. The real story of her cyclopsification isn't very interesting, so I've been trying to come up with some cool explanations for it. Here's what I have so far.
- The eye was poked out while defending me from a wild baboon attack.
- The eye was stolen by a shaman for use in a zombie-raising potion.
- The eye was shot out by the Sandinistas when she was conscripted into the Nicaraguan army.
- The eye was seized and then destroyed at the airport when the security guards realized she had X-ray vision and could see the pilot's underwear.
- The eye was traded for fish tranquilizers during a time my cat doesn't like to talk about.

Hmm, I am beginning to think I have a great talent here. Maybe I could be some sort of consultant to hospitals that they call in whenever someone has an ailment without a cool story to explain it. I don't want to jinx it, but I'm fairly certain I am sitting on a gold mine here. After all, it has been widely established that the world's biggest untapped market is deformed, untrustworthy people. If I can just get 50 cents from each of them, it's only a matter of days before I'm riding around town on a solid gold ostrich and throwing pizza parties that'd make the cast of 21 Jump Street blush.

Unforunately, as great as this idea is, it's not quite ready to be implemented. I have business cards to print and skywriters to hire before I go public with this. For right now, as a public service, I promise to come up with a great story for any physical ailment that you may have. Just leave the deformity in the comments and prepare to have a story so great, Tom Jones will be throwing his undies at you, for once.