I don't know how I forgot to mention this. The only reason I can think of is that it was so traumatic, I immediately repressed it. And so, since Thursday, I've just been traipsing along, completely unaware of my near-death experience. But then today at lunch, while eating my chicken fingers, the entire, horrible ordeal came flooding back. I grabbed the collar of the cashier at the Golden Chick and gasped, "A possum almost touched me!" Then I barricaded myself in the bathroom, where I could weep and scrub myself with hand soap in privacy.
For those of you who don't follow my bizarre phobias with monastic dedication, I do not like possums. In fact, I hate possums. If I had to rank my least favorite animals, the possum would not only beat the gila monster, but it'd be so renowned for its #1 position, it'd give lessons to lesser beasts on how to terrify and disgust me. If I had to explain why I hate them, we'd be here until Cinco de Mayo, so just accept the fact that I loathe these brutes. And Thursday night, coming home from Emo's, I got up close and personal with one of them, the nastiest of American marsupials.
I had been at a show that night, so my spirits were high as I walked back to the car. Then, as I was rounding the corner of the state capitol, I saw something scurry in the distance. "What is that, a cat?" I wondered. I wasn't too worried; I kept moving. The critter in question continued to scamper towards me, and as it got closer, I began to realize this was no cat. No sir, it was way too dumpy and weird to be a cat. Then it struck me: there was either a baby Sasquatch running at me, or a possum. I surveyed the situation for escape routes; there were none. The possum crept up closer. I held my breath, made a cross with my fingers, and prayed for a quick death. After several seconds, I opened my eyes and saw him scoot around the corner of the building. I don't know what happened, but that guy was on the warpath and he had me in his sights; I can only credit divine intervention for surviving the encounter. Looking back on it now, I got two things out of this experience: another reason to hate possums, and a reason to stay away from the state capitol. That, friends, is possum country.
Posted by Cody at May 4, 2004 6:12 PM