Quasi Invincible

I don't want to come off as an egomaniac here, but I'm beginning to think I could be a superhero. There have been clues for a while (laser vision, the theme music that pipes up whenever I enter a room, and my fondness for capes), but the following was the clincher: I don't seem to get sick while I'm awake. Allow me to elaborate. Over the past 4 years, I've only been really ill (feverish, pukey, and gross) two times. Both times, I felt fine when I went to sleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous. I get up for a few minutes for a quick bout of vomiting followed by heavy medication, then go back to sleep. When I wake up, I feel just fine. From this, I conclude that I am impervious to sickness while I'm in a non-groggy state. Is your mind exploding yet?

Obviously, this is bad news for international assassins and anyone looking forward to inheriting my stuff when I die. Well, it's bad news as long as I stay awake, that is. Knowing my fondness for naps, this news doesn't affect my long-term chances for survival at all. Not only that, but I'm still just as likely to be ravaged by a puma or get a piano dropped on my head, which I have determined are the two most likely causes of my demise. As you can see, all of these caveats may not make me the world's most reliable superhero. Whatever, I still maintain that if you need a guy to withstand a virus in his waking hours, you come to the Pickle.

The reason I brought all of this up is because I had one of these episodes last night. I don't know what the deal was, but I was most certainly not living large at 3 AM this morning. I was feeling much better when I got up for work, but I can't help but think that something foul was afoot. There are a large number of parties who want me out of the picture: Carlos Jacott, the hooligans in my apartment complex, Dick Cheney, Octopussy, the UN, the National Association of Broccoli Farmers. Nice try, pansies, but it's going to take a little more than that to bring me down.