Elvis Costello's Puke Stain

Ricky Williams, pro football star, retired suddenly yesterday. Apparently, he thought the entry yesterday about my future dominance of the Tour de France could also be applied to the NFL. Good thinking, Ricky, although such conjecture would be immediately dismissed by anyone who witnessed the Cody Powell era of Corey Elementary Football. If you needed someone to eat all the orange slices while sitting on the bench, I was your man. When it came to the tackling, running, and catching part, not so much. In retrospect, I had a lot more to gain by practicing my citrus appreciation skills than I did with football, since one of those arens is a lot more conducive to short, slow wusses like myself than the other. In closing, you may come back to your sport, Mr. Williams, where I promise you'll be safe from a dreaded encounter with Pigskin Powell.

It looks like right now, the Tricentennial is set to fall on the weekend of the ACL Festival. Maybe if I play my cards right, that can be Elvis Costello's puke stain in my living room. If he's anything like fellow British superstar Warwick Davis, we shouldn't be stocking up on the 409 quite yet. But really, any musical superstars are welcome to crash here that weekend. It just seems silly to blow $40 a night for some fancy room at the Best Western when they could throw down a pallet on my living room floor for free. Did I mention that everyone who stays here gets FULL X Box priviledges? Make your reservations early, because this bitch is filling up real quick-like (note: air mattress reserved for the Pixies).

Anyway, I'm super jazzed about ACL Festival this year. Last year was great, although I spent a large part of the day completely separated and lost from Danza and Dumpasaurus. Surprise surprise, when I found them, they were making out by the port-o-potties. It's called will power, gentlemen; I suggest you look into it. Despite that, I'm definitely doing the three day thing this time. I won't even leave to sleep. I'll make myself a bed of dirt and spilled beer, and become one with Zilker Park. I'll be a cult hero by the time I'm escorted off the grounds.