Tell It to the Turkey

I have a little bit more to write about video games. Actually, I have a lot more to write about video games, but most of it will be enclosed in a letter addressed to Ms. Pac Man. Yes, I do plan on spraying cologne on that letter and enclosing a picture of myself, but I'm getting off track here. Anyway, some of my distinguished colleagues have remarked how amused they are that I, a most serious man of letters, still gets so excited about video games. Well, last night in my X Box baseball game, I threw a perfect game with Chan Ho Park. In the event you're unfamiliar with Mr. Ho Park (hey, isn't that where your mom works?), he spends more time in the stands selling Lemon Chills than he does engaging in anything that could be charitably described as sport. If single-handedly turning Chan Ho into a slayer of worlds isn't worthy of excitement, then you can take your fancified notions of "excitement" and tell it to the turkey.

Did the last part of my final sentence intrigue anyone? I've been thinking about making "Tell it to the turkey!" a new catch phrase. It'll work extra well if you happen to be near a live turkey or, failing that, a container of smoked turkey lunch meat. If you want to add some flair to that line, let loose a deafening gobble at the end of it. Not only will you let others know that you're a loose cannon who's not taking any guff off of anyone, but you'll also impress them with your knowledge of animal life.

Actually, you could use that phrase with a variety of different creatures. Let's think of a few examples, shall we?

Tell it to the mallard! At this point, you'd quack, then start to flap your wings.

Tell it to the lion king! At this point, you'd roar, then begin singing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?"

Tell it to the minotaur! At this point, you'd dress up like a half man/half bull, and get killed by Theseus.

Tell it to the hyena/coyote mystery creature that's haunting the suburbs of Maryland! At this point, get down on all fours and start sneaking around your neighbors' back yards. Then exclaim, "Science can never explain me!" and run away to the forest.

Posted by Cody at July 21, 2004 6:43 PM