The Powell Behind the Throne

The Democratic Convention is currently taking place in Boston. The Democrats invited a lot of famous bloggers to cover the event, and I was not one of them. There are two reasons for this. First, I beat to death the last person who referred to me as a blogger. Second, I probably scared the Democratic faithful away when I proclaimed that political parties have been a farce since the Whigs disbanded. Nevertheless, I can't help but imagine what it would've been like had I been invited to this soiree.

Monday, July 27th 8:30 AM
Woo, made it to Boston! The flight in was a boogerbear, since George Stephanopolous insisted we play his Travel edition of Yahtzee the entire time we were on the plane. It was all fine until he started losing, at which point he threw his bag of peanuts at the stewardess and demanded a little bottle of vodka.

Monday, July 27th 1:10 PM
Just had lunch with Al Sharpton. And I thought I hated mayonnaise! He insisted on swapping iPods with me, so now I have nothing to listen to but Prince b-sides.

Monday, July 27th 7:45 PM
Al Gore just got done speaking. He made some good points, but I have to wonder where all this antipathy towards the President comes from. I guess I know one guy who wasn't invited to the White House Ice Cream Social!

And so on. I should note that if the Democrats need me for a last minute keynote address, I could make myself available. I don't want to give too much away, but I would definitely use the line "Let's PUSH BUSH into a bowl of MUSH!" That'd get the grassroots people all riled up. This same offer applies to the Republicans and their convention, where a typical line would be something like, "John KERRY is a HAIRY STINKBERRY from the PRAIRIE!" Imagine the buttons you could print up with that blurb. I should note that I'm not opposed to speaking at both, possibly through the use of a disguise. Just drop me a line, folks, and let me know if I need to rig up some crap in PowerPoint.