Haim vs. Feldman, Part 2

Ohhh goodness, I just discovered that they're coming out with a special edition DVD of Lost Boys, also known as the best vampire movie to feature both Coreys and the Kief. When I saw that, I was pretty excited; I'd say about a 6 on the CWMP Jazzed Up scale. Then I read what the special features were, and I had to struggle not to wet myself. For such a big announcement, I want to spill the beans here in the coolest way possible, so let's do it in dramatic format.

INTERIOR: You're sitting at home one day, cataloguing your oven mitts, when you notice something approaching your front door. You peek out of your window and see nothing. Then, just as you get back to your collection, a thunderous knock rings out from your front door.
You: Hello?
Lost Boys Special Edition DVD: Hi, I'm the Lost Boys Special Edition DVD. You can call me LBSEDVD.
You: Aww snap! Who's that you brought with you, LBSEDVD?
LBSEDVD: Oh, that? That's a second disc full of special features.
You: Holy crap! What are the special features?
LBSEDVD: The usual... deleted scenes, retrospective documentary, interactive map.
You: Anything else?
LBSEDVD: Well, there is one other thing, but you probably wouldn't be interested.
You: Tell me or I'll slam this door in your face!
LBSEDVD: Oh, just a little somethin' somethin' called a multiangle video commentary with both Coreys and Jamison Newlander!
You: Who the hell is Jamison Newlander?
End scene.

When you combine Corey H., Corey F., AND muliple angles, you've got a dangerous recipe there; we're possibly talking about the most explosive round of Haim vs. Feldman ever played. I can only hope that Jamison Newlander is a skilled paramedic because it could get gruesome up in that biscuit. I'm almost scared to watch it, since it's nearly impossible for this to live up to my expectations now. Nevertheless, if anyone here is looking for a nice, understated Labor Day present for yours truly, I suggest you look no further.

One last bit of business here. Why is that no budding entrepreneur has started making landmines shaped like Corey Feldman? You could call them Feldmines, and right before they blow up, they can play a sound clip from one of his movies (I vote for something from The Burbs or Meatballs IV). In any event, I have given yet another million dollar idea to you people. I'd implement something like this myself, but I made a solemn oath to only use Feldman's likeness for good.